COMICAL
| Two Little Angels |
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A pat on the back is just inches away from a kick in the butt.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find that man.
A woman has never been known to shoot a man while he was doing the dishes.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s...she changes it more often.
All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the Queen.
All stressed out with no one to strangle.
A woman has the last word in any argument, anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a mew argument.
Madness takes its toll, Please have exact change.
With my luck I’ll be a the airport when my ship comes in
I’d rather be 50 than Pregnant
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
The Waist is a terrible thing to mind
We don’t skinny dip – we chunky dunk!
Never eat more than you can lift. –Miss Piggy
Dance yourself silly
How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you’re on.
I child proofed my home and they still get in.
What you eat standing up doesn’t count.
Calling fishing a hobby is like calling brain surgery a job.
The serious go through life blowing Far too few raspberries
Procrastinate Now. Don’t put it off
Beauty is Painful
I still miss my ex, but my aim is improving
I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it
The only way to get rid of a Temptation is to yield to it.
Time wounds all heels.
Dull women have immaculate homes
When angry count to four, when very angry swear. –Mark Twain
Grow your own dope...plant a man.
If you pray for rain, be prepared To deal with some mud
Beauty comes in all sizes
It’s good to be Queen
I Ate My Willpower
I Did it My Way
Lighten UP
Be nice or leave
Three things are best rich: chocolate, men and coffee. YUM
The party was last night.
The minute you read something that you can’t understand, you can almost be sure it
was drawn up by a lawyer.
Too much TV/X-box/ Play station will rot your brain. Love mom
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear!
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it’s all about?
What part of No don’t you understand?
Whatever!
When I die, bury me in the River so my Husband will fish for me.
When I die, bury me in the woods so my Husband will hunt for me
Would you like a bit of cheese with your Whine?
You are obviously a lot smarter than you look!
You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but it sure helps.
You don’t have to brush all your teeth, just the ones you want to keep!
You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself
You want it WHEN!
You want me to do WHAT!
Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you
need it
Keep your temper, nobody else wants it!
Keep your words sweet, you never know when you’ll have to eat them.
Kindness is the ability to give people more than they deserve.
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself
Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Life is like an ice cream cone, just when you think you have it licked, it drips all over
you.
Martha Stewart does not live here.
May the force be with you.
Men and fish are alike; they both get into trouble when they open their mouths
Men are like parking spaces... All The good ones are taken and the rest are
handicapped.
Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the children in touch.
Motherhood is a load of fun.
My cow died so I don’t need your bull anymore.
My house was clean last week, sorry you missed it!
My yearnings exceed my earnings.
No smoking...so get your butt out of here.
Now that we’re organized what do we do?
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
Okay, you can look at my dust, just don’t write in it.
One that would have the fruit must climb the tree.
People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers instead of their
conscience be their guide.
Please be patient. God isn’t finished with me yet.
Please close the door. We are not responsible for heating or cooling the entire
neighborhood. Love mom
See no Evil! Hear No Evil! Date No Evil!
Self-defense is the clearest of all laws, and for this reason lawyers didn’t make it
Some days are a total waste of makeup.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy... sometimes I let him Sleep!
Speak the truth, but leave immediately!
Stop talking when I’m interrupting.
Stressed is desserts spelled backwards!
Take my advice. I’m not using it!
Teenagers: NO is a complete sentence.
The company you keep will determine the trouble you meet
I’m saving myself for ELVIS!
I'm only as strong as the caffeine I drink, the hair spray I use and the girlfriends I
have.
I love you more today than I did yesterday 'cause yesterday you really ticked me off.
It is what it is
Even a fish wouldn't get in trouble if it kept its big mouth shut!
QUEENS and PMS
It’s good to be Queen
Kiss my tiara
Drama Queen
It ain’t easy being Queen
A mans home is his castle – until the queen comes home.
Queens never make bargains
What part of princess don’t you understand
The queen sleeps here
Only a true queen could get away with as much as I do.
Once a Princess, Always a princess
One shoe can change your life -Cinderella
PMS Punish men severely
Some days are a total waste of makeup
PMS Purchase more shoes
Today’s agenda: Get through it!
Next mood swing: 6 minutes
Give me estrogen and no one gets hurt
I’m not shopping it’s retail therapy!
When in doubt mumble- When asked to clarify, say “trust me”
Too much of a good thing is never enough
High maintenance
I am woman...hear me tell you off.
Witch and Famous
Put your big girl panties on and deal with it
I don’t need your attitude I already have one.
I’m not bossy I just have better ideas
Question authority Ask me Anything
Saw it, wanted it, thru a fit, Got it!
Only one shopping day until tomorrow
I want it all and I want it delivered
Born free Now I’m expensive
Always spend more than your husband makes
You only live once...spend like it
Today I finished two bags of chips, a bottle of wine, and a box of chocolate. I feel
better already!
I’d rather fall in chocolate
I’d give up chocolate, but I’m no quitter
Why can’t I get a little ahead instead of a bigger behind?
Some people are like Slinkies... Not really good for anything, but they still bring a
smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs
Open the oven and take a look... the first person to complain is tomorrows cook
Give a man an inch, and he thinks he's a ruler
I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully
I may be inconsistent, but not all the time.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember a thing
Money is the root of all evil. Every woman needs roots.
There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness" -Dave Barry
I've been on a diet now for two weeks, and all I've lost is two weeks
The house isn't under construction...kids just live here
Housework won't kill you, but why take the chance?
When I die, please get to my sewing room before my husband does... Take whatever
you want, and bring a truck.
Everybody brings joy to this house. Some when they enter, some when they leave
If thy enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum. – Chinese proverb
A positive attitude may not solve all problems,but it will annoy enough people to
make it worth the effort
First God created man then he had a better idea
How can I miss you if you don’t leave
Give me patience but please hurry
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find that man.
A woman has never been known to shoot a man while he was doing the dishes.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s...she changes it more often.
All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the Queen.
All stressed out with no one to strangle.
A woman has the last word in any argument, anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a mew argument.
Madness takes its toll, Please have exact change.
With my luck I’ll be a the airport when my ship comes in
I’d rather be 50 than Pregnant
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
The Waist is a terrible thing to mind
We don’t skinny dip – we chunky dunk!
Never eat more than you can lift. –Miss Piggy
Dance yourself silly
How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you’re on.
I child proofed my home and they still get in.
What you eat standing up doesn’t count.
Calling fishing a hobby is like calling brain surgery a job.
The serious go through life blowing Far too few raspberries
Procrastinate Now. Don’t put it off
Beauty is Painful
I still miss my ex, but my aim is improving
I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it
The only way to get rid of a Temptation is to yield to it.
Time wounds all heels.
Dull women have immaculate homes
When angry count to four, when very angry swear. –Mark Twain
Grow your own dope...plant a man.
If you pray for rain, be prepared To deal with some mud
Beauty comes in all sizes
It’s good to be Queen
I Ate My Willpower
I Did it My Way
Lighten UP
Be nice or leave
Three things are best rich: chocolate, men and coffee. YUM
The party was last night.
The minute you read something that you can’t understand, you can almost be sure it
was drawn up by a lawyer.
Too much TV/X-box/ Play station will rot your brain. Love mom
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear!
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it’s all about?
What part of No don’t you understand?
Whatever!
When I die, bury me in the River so my Husband will fish for me.
When I die, bury me in the woods so my Husband will hunt for me
Would you like a bit of cheese with your Whine?
You are obviously a lot smarter than you look!
You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but it sure helps.
You don’t have to brush all your teeth, just the ones you want to keep!
You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself
You want it WHEN!
You want me to do WHAT!
Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you
need it
Keep your temper, nobody else wants it!
Keep your words sweet, you never know when you’ll have to eat them.
Kindness is the ability to give people more than they deserve.
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself
Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Life is like an ice cream cone, just when you think you have it licked, it drips all over
you.
Martha Stewart does not live here.
May the force be with you.
Men and fish are alike; they both get into trouble when they open their mouths
Men are like parking spaces... All The good ones are taken and the rest are
handicapped.
Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the children in touch.
Motherhood is a load of fun.
My cow died so I don’t need your bull anymore.
My house was clean last week, sorry you missed it!
My yearnings exceed my earnings.
No smoking...so get your butt out of here.
Now that we’re organized what do we do?
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
Okay, you can look at my dust, just don’t write in it.
One that would have the fruit must climb the tree.
People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers instead of their
conscience be their guide.
Please be patient. God isn’t finished with me yet.
Please close the door. We are not responsible for heating or cooling the entire
neighborhood. Love mom
See no Evil! Hear No Evil! Date No Evil!
Self-defense is the clearest of all laws, and for this reason lawyers didn’t make it
Some days are a total waste of makeup.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy... sometimes I let him Sleep!
Speak the truth, but leave immediately!
Stop talking when I’m interrupting.
Stressed is desserts spelled backwards!
Take my advice. I’m not using it!
Teenagers: NO is a complete sentence.
The company you keep will determine the trouble you meet
I’m saving myself for ELVIS!
I'm only as strong as the caffeine I drink, the hair spray I use and the girlfriends I
have.
I love you more today than I did yesterday 'cause yesterday you really ticked me off.
It is what it is
Even a fish wouldn't get in trouble if it kept its big mouth shut!
QUEENS and PMS
It’s good to be Queen
Kiss my tiara
Drama Queen
It ain’t easy being Queen
A mans home is his castle – until the queen comes home.
Queens never make bargains
What part of princess don’t you understand
The queen sleeps here
Only a true queen could get away with as much as I do.
Once a Princess, Always a princess
One shoe can change your life -Cinderella
PMS Punish men severely
Some days are a total waste of makeup
PMS Purchase more shoes
Today’s agenda: Get through it!
Next mood swing: 6 minutes
Give me estrogen and no one gets hurt
I’m not shopping it’s retail therapy!
When in doubt mumble- When asked to clarify, say “trust me”
Too much of a good thing is never enough
High maintenance
I am woman...hear me tell you off.
Witch and Famous
Put your big girl panties on and deal with it
I don’t need your attitude I already have one.
I’m not bossy I just have better ideas
Question authority Ask me Anything
Saw it, wanted it, thru a fit, Got it!
Only one shopping day until tomorrow
I want it all and I want it delivered
Born free Now I’m expensive
Always spend more than your husband makes
You only live once...spend like it
Today I finished two bags of chips, a bottle of wine, and a box of chocolate. I feel
better already!
I’d rather fall in chocolate
I’d give up chocolate, but I’m no quitter
Why can’t I get a little ahead instead of a bigger behind?
Some people are like Slinkies... Not really good for anything, but they still bring a
smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs
Open the oven and take a look... the first person to complain is tomorrows cook
Give a man an inch, and he thinks he's a ruler
I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully
I may be inconsistent, but not all the time.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember a thing
Money is the root of all evil. Every woman needs roots.
There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness" -Dave Barry
I've been on a diet now for two weeks, and all I've lost is two weeks
The house isn't under construction...kids just live here
Housework won't kill you, but why take the chance?
When I die, please get to my sewing room before my husband does... Take whatever
you want, and bring a truck.
Everybody brings joy to this house. Some when they enter, some when they leave
If thy enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum. – Chinese proverb
A positive attitude may not solve all problems,but it will annoy enough people to
make it worth the effort
First God created man then he had a better idea
How can I miss you if you don’t leave
Give me patience but please hurry
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